Not anymore. Since being prescribed anti-depressants my feelings tend to be pretty level. More what I guess most people would describe as normal. I am able to cope with an awful lot without finding things overwhelming.
Before I started on the course of anti-depressants I guess I was prone to mood swings. When faced with challenges that I felt where overwhelming I would recoil. Becoming quiet and moody.
This was not really very obvious to me inside as a person. But to those around me it was quite obvious. At work people would ask if I was ok. I wasn’t my normal happy bouncy self. Or at home my soulmate would feel she was walking on egg shells.
I was not angry at all. More sad and lonely. I would recline inside. Hiding away not sure what or how to interact with the world around me.
The best description I have is the ultimate sitting on the fence. I felt unsure. Uncertain what was the best thing to do. So opted to do nothing. Simply to observe and when I felt comfortable then come back out of my protective shell. This could take a long long time at times.
It must be really frustrating. Unnerving being around someone who is struggling to interact.
That is why I have been so lucky to know my soulmate. She has been patient. Giving me the odd nudge or shake from time to time. In one of our talks she said that at times she simply wanted to shake me. As if that seemed all that was necessary to make or encourage me to come out of my shell.
Maybe I should have a new mascot? Adopt a tortoise as we seem to have a lot on common!
Thankfully, more recently I have been finding all the very challenging things that I face much more manageable. Considering that I am ‘fighting on all fronts’ in my life presently I can say that I am doing ok. It is now my turn to help my soulmate. To support her in any way I can. For I love her completely.
Reworking Joseph 